Entries in Melissa Kincaid (235)
Breathtaking Ultra Modern Kitchens via [loftlife}
Friday, March 5, 2010 at 9:39AM Round-Up: Lofted Kitchens
The kitchen. It’s made a big comeback in recent years. This is especially true for kitchens with open layouts that lend themselves to a more communal dining experience. According to Adilin Darling Design, an architecture firm based in San Francisco, when a kitchen has an open layout, it becomes a “stage” within which the most average of cooks can shine. In that vein, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite open kitchens that we’ve found inspiring for your enjoyment this Friday.






Photography, top to bottom: Tom Ackerman, John Nietzel, Maï Linh, Maï Linh, Adroam Houston, and Matthew Millman)
Featured Website: 3 Brown Girls Studios
Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 5:44PM Gallery

“Whisper”

“Internal Voices”


“Go With the Flow’

“Flying”

“Your Blues Ain’t Like Mine”

“And This Too Shall Pass”

“Don’t Follow Your Heart…Lead It”
February 4, 2010
lady in red background (ajd)

red is my favorite color and I love the way the red shows through her hair.
February 2, 2010

just love this one!
January 31, 2010
the flower on the left is a painting exercise from Lee Hammond’s Acrylic Painting book. I learned a lot about drawing and painting using her books. The portait on the right I did collaging some papers for the face and acrylic paints. I find it amazing that somehow my faces come out resembling me. I don’t try to do it, but it happens.
January 30, 2010
Art Journal a day (AJD)
In the hope of bringing some kind of cohesiveness to my blog, I’m going to start posting an art journal entry per day. Since that’s pretty much what the bulk of my blog entries are about anyway. I will continue to participate in the Illustration Friday prompts. I will also try including some prompts of my own. Mondays I will be posting my zentangle of the week. I love these things. I read about them in the Nov/Dec ‘09 issue of Cloth, Paper, Scissors and I’m addicted!
I started this blog as a way to advertise my etsy shop, but honestly I haven’t done any artwork for sale in a while. I have so many craft related interest right now, journaling has been one constant. I do hope to add some new prints to my shop in the next month. Thinking some Valentine’s Day themes.
I did the above art journal painting after singing at a Young Women’s program. The song was “Walk Tall You’re A Daughter of God”. I had to learn it in a week so I played it pretty much all day everyday to keep the tune in my head. After I sung it, I couldn’t get rid of the tune. This was my way of putting it out of my head. I have to say it worked!
January 21, 2010
portraits and art class

New journal entry. I like doing realistic portraits. I still struggle with certain aspects of the portrait like the hair and nose. I don’t think this one reflects that, but I was working on a page tonite and must have spent almost 30 minutes on the nose alone!
Been getting together for the past couple of weeks with two other homeschool families. It looks like we will be alternating doing science and art enrichment lessons. Guess who doing art? I looked as this as an opportunity to test the waters for possibly teaching art classes.
It turned out to be not as big a deal as I anticipated. We did a simple collage. I spent the night before cutting out shapes, collected patterned paper, and mulling over project ideas. The kids age 3-11 did the first collage project and ran off to play. I thought I needed to have at least three projects, but one sufficed. My “students” seemed pleased and proud of their collage.
January 18, 2010
A prayer for Haiti

Let’s keep these people in our thoughts and prayers. If you have to give, I hope you do.
January 13, 2010
Inspiration Wednesday- Food Inc.
(Inspiration Wednesday is a weekly post where I share what has inspired me in my art, parenting, or my way of living. The hope is that by sharing, it can be an inspiration to others, too.)
My husband and I watched this DVD over the weekend. And while some of it I already knew from personal reading, I was shocked at the rest. We depend so much on those in the food industry to provide us with food that is healthy and not harmful. But the truth of the matter is that is a business and there are some greedy people out there.
If anything this video has inspired my family to be more diligent in growing our own foods through gardening, buying from local farmers, and being more aware of where I food comes from and what’s actually in it.
We’ve had a garden for the past six years, but more for hobby than anything. I truly desire to live off the land more after I saw this. Not only because of trust, but because we shouldn’t rely so heavily on someone else to have our best interest. We need to become more self-reliant.
I saw a reality show, where a 41 year old man said that the only spinach he ever knew of was from a can! He didn’t even know what fresh spinach looked like! That’s a shame. How many kids today know exactly where the food we eat come from? How many know what it looks like in it’s natural state?
I felt it appropriate to share this DVD around the time a lot of us have the goal of living more healthy. Gaining knowledge about our food is a step in that direction.
January 11, 2010
Getting back in full swing…

Another year, another chance to do something more, something different. I started out the New Year with a new position at church as Relief Society President for my ward. Pretty exciting and challenging!
Also, our homeschool will reflect some changes. My two oldest need a change, so I’ve been looking into ways to keep the momentum going for them. Speaking of homeschooling, I will be leading my first homeschool conference workshop in the spring. I’m excited and terrified at the same time!
As for my creative pursuits, I plan to consistently work on adding new items to my Etsy shop and really branch out beyond the internet world. I really would like to make some connections offline. I’m also interested in teaching some offline course. I’m hoping to invest in a really great camera and add more video tutorials. I like sharing with others what I learn and how I do things.
(The above painting was done in my moleskin journal. It is with acrylics and heavy collage! My fingers were covered in modge podge. I like collage but after a project like this I have to take a break from it. I took decorated scrapbook paper and ripped them into smaller pieces to alter the design a bit. I liked the turnout but it was more work than I anticipated.)
So much to look forward to. I’m pretty excited about life, how about you?!
NOT Like A "Raisin in The Sun" : With Ceja Vineyards; Latino Immigrant Family IS Achieving the American Dream via [examiner.com and napavintners.com]
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 9:21PM
Ceja Vineyards - Latino immigrant family acheiving the American dream
In celebration of Cinco de Mayo and Mexican heritage in the United States, I proudly introduce you to Ceja Vineyards, a story of
how a family from Mexico pursued their dreams in the wine industry.
After many years in the brasero work program, Pablo Ceja, his wife Juanita and their six children said goodbye to their friends and family in their small village in Mexico in 1967 and immigrated to America to work in the vineyards of Napa Valley. As the family worked and grew in Napa Valley, Juanita constantly encouraged her children to follow their dreams and go to college. Their sons, Pedro and Armando pursued their dreams, Pedro in engineering and Armando in enology and viticulture.
Pedro married his love Amelia Moran Fuentes in 1980. As they began their own family, they were also focused on the common family goal to buy land and grow grapes in Napa Valley. In 1983 Pedro and Amelia, Armando, and Pablo and Juanita pooled their resources and purchase 15 acres in Carneros.
Pedro and Armando inherited their parents’ strong work ethic and love of the land. Armando became a respected vineyard manager in the valley but never lost sight of the family plan. With their first harvest of Pinot Noir from their Carneros property in 1988, they celebrated with family and friends
The Ceja Vineyards wine label came on the scene in 2001. The Ceja family now has 113 acres of rich vineyard land, produces over 10,000 cases, and the second and third generations of the family are active in leadership of the enterprise. Amelia Ceja is President of Ceja Vineyards, the first Mexican-American woman to be President of a wine company in the history of New World wines. “The success of Ceja Vineyards is due to my family’s collective effort,” says Amelia.
Ariel Ceja, son of Pedro and Amelia and General Manager of Ceja Vineyard has inherited the work ethic and drive of his parents and grandparents, adding his own touch to the family enterprise, whether it is salsa dancing at the tasting room Saturday nights, new Web 2.0 technologies to reach a growing young market, or the soon to be introduced online, bicultural cooking show.
Ariel states, “We focus on wines we enjoy. Food and wine are important to my family. My mom’s cooking skills are famous and my uncle handcrafts wines that will pair well with her cuisine. Ceja wines have moderate levels of alcohol, none are over 14%, and pair well with foods, bringing out the flavors of the food and the wine without being overbearing.”
Armando and his team match vines to the Terroir, growing each variety in the areas where it does best. The fruit is handled gently to create a collection of handcrafted wines. This drive for excellence is reflected in the trademark of Ceja Vineyards vinum, cantus, amor – wine, song love.
2006 Ceja Vino de Casa White Blend – this is a blend of Pinot Grigio, Semillon and Viognier from Napa Valley that has the aroma of honeydew melon, almond and baked apple pie that leads to flavors on the palate of citrus blossom with mineral and flinty characteristics.
2007 Ceja Sauvignon Blanc from the Sonoma Coast – ruby grapefruit and key lime aromas are powerful on the nose. On the palate the tartness of citrus and tropical fruits leap into your mouth.
2006 Ceja Pinot Noir – you will enjoy the fresh floral aroma mixed with ripe red plum and black cherry blossoms. The balanced mixture of soft tannins with layers of textures emphasizes the medley of dark berry, herb and spice flavors in the mouth
For more info: Ceja Vineyards
Ceja Vineyards
| Ceja Vineyards is an ultra premium Latino family owned winery in the Napa Valley. It was founded by Amelia, Pedro, Armando and Martha Ceja – Mexican-American immigrants. The Ceja's dedication to sustainable agriculture and the gentle handling of the grapes in the cellar can be tasted in every sip of their award-winning Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Sauvignon Blanc, Syrah, and two Vino de Casa blends. These are estate grown wines that are fabulous by themselves and delicious with your favorite dishes. Try Chardonnay with lightly grilled oysters and salsa de tomatillo, Pinot Noir with ceviche de salmón, Cabernet Sauvignon with chocolates, and Syrah with almond infused flan. Ceja wines can be purchased over the Internet at www.cejavineyards.com, or, by phone at 707-255-3954. Enjoy with family and friends. ¡Salud! |
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Winery Contact: |
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| Website: http://www.cejavineyards.com | |||
| Phone: (707) 255-3954 | |||
| Email: wine@cejavineyards.com | |||
| Hours: Daily 12:00pm - 6:00pm & Saturdays until 11:00pm | |||
Address: |
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| 1248 First Street | |||
| Napa, CA 94559 | |||
Watch My FAVORITE Episode of The Show, Testees Called Abstinence Underwear! I HEART This Silly Show Soooo Much...Don't Judge ME. Lol!
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 8:45PM via [hulu]
Featured Website: ColinCowie.com
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 8:32PM Book Review: The Secret History of the War on Cancer via [drbenkim.com]
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 8:02PM 
The Secret History of the War on Cancer
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The Secret History of the War on Cancer by Devra Davis Buy new: $12.89 / Used from: $0.38 Usually ships in 24 hours |
By Dr. Ben Kim
For many years now, I have explained to questioning family members and friends why I cannot support conventional cancer-fighting fundraising campaigns.
I am not completely against conventional medical treatment options for different types of cancer. For example, for a good number of people that I have worked with over the past several years, I have fully supported and encouraged surgical excision of malignant tumours. My wariness of the mainstream cancer-fighting industry pertains to what I believe is excessive and often times inappropriate use of chemotherapy and radiation, as well as the lack of attention that is given to relevant environmental and personal lifestyle factors.
At long last, a devastating and truly noteworthy book on this topic has been published. It's called The Secret History of the War on Cancer, written by Devra Davis, PhD, MPH.
I am grateful to have the permission of Andrew Nikiforuk, a well known Canadian journalist, to share his impressive review of Dr. Davis' book.
I earnestly hope that The Secret History of the War on Cancer becomes a bestseller, as I believe that the people of our world desperately need to absorb its message.
***
Andrew Nikiforuk's Review of The Secret History of the War on Cancer, written by Devra Davis, PhD, MPH.
In 1936, the world's cancer experts assembled in Brussels to talk shop. The gathering heard a lot about workshop hazards and environmental toxins. A British scientist, who had studied identical twins, argued that cancer wasn't inherited, but mostly the product of early chemical exposures in life. A meticulous Argentine showed how sunlight combined with hydrocarbons could sprout tumours on rats. Others explained how regular exposure to the hormone estrogen prompted male rodents to grow unseemly breasts. Everyone agreed that arsenic and benzene were workplace killers, too.
Since then, the cancer establishment has retreated from the truth faster than Canada's commitment to a greener country. What began as sincere investigation into the economic root causes of a complex set of 200 different diseases, at the turn of the 20th century, quickly degenerated into a single-minded focus on treatments after the Second World War, argues Devra Davis, one of North America's sharpest epidemiologists (her previous book, When Smoke Ran Like Water: Tales of Environmental Deception and the Battle Against Pollution, was a finalist for the National Book Award).
In the process, industry and its propaganda hit men have used every opportunity to discredit, dismiss or disparage information on cancer hazards in the workplace or at home. So let me warn comfortable readers here and now. This courageous and altogether horrible book is about as unsettling as it can get. It painstakingly documents such a persistently foul pattern of deceit and denial that I often wanted to throw it against a wall and scream.
Furthermore, Davis's hair-raising investigation - in what is easily the most important science book of the year - will rob you of any lingering, Disney-like fantasies you might have entertained about the nobility of cancer fundraising campaigns. And if you have lost a relative or friend to a malignant tumour (odds are you have), Davis will make you weep again, knowing that fraud and outright criminal neglect have turned a 40-year-long medical war into a questionable $70-billion charade.
Even Davis can't hide her own disbelief at times: "Astonishing alliances between naive or far too clever academics and folks with major economic interests in selling potentially cancerous materials have kept us from figuring out whether or not many modern products affect our chances of developing cancer." She then diligently documents, for example, how some of the world's most prominent cancer researchers, such as the late Sir Richard Doll, the epidemiologist who was instrumental in linking smoking to health problems, secretly worked for chemical firms without disclosing these ties when publishing studies.
Davis, a modern scientist committed to moral clarity, knows her stuff and then some. After decades of front-line battles against air polluters, she now heads the world's first Centre on Environmental Oncology at the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute. She too has smelled and felt cancer firsthand, having lost two parents and many friends, including the comic Andrea Martin*, to the disease. She shines, in short, with a burning indignation about the abuse of power in medicine.
Her angry history of the way free and open discourse on cancers in the workplace has become as elusive as meaningful political debates reveals the rot with the bluntness of a chemo treatment. When men who bottled liquid lead as a gasoline additive in the 1920s started to drop like flies, General Motors blamed the workers and called lead a "natural contaminant." When dye-makers at DuPont got bladder cancer from working with benzidine in the 1930s, the company, like an errant spouse, first denied the findings. Then they refused to record cases. Finally, they suppressed or delayed publishing the results.
After inhaling tar and poisonous fumes from coke ovens, black steel workers succumbed to waves of lung cancer in the 1950s. Yet industry argued that blacks were just more vulnerable to lung-consuming tumours. It took an enterprising study of dying Mormon coke-oven workers to challenge the lie. Damning studies on the health of asbestos workers couldn't find a home in the 1930s, and to this day, Canada shamefully remains an exporter of the lung destroyer.
Benzene, a true-blue leukemia-maker that can cause workers to bleed out, has been the subject of 100 years of deceit and denial. When Myron Mehlman, a toxicologist with Mobil Oil, told Japanese officials in 1989 that gasoline with 5-per-cent benzene was damned dangerous and shouldn't be sold, the company fired him. Davis reports that ExxonMobil, ConocoPhillips and Shell have invested $27-million in China to "contradict earlier claims that link exposure to low- and mid-levels of benzene to cancers and other diseases."
In 1986, researcher William Fayerweather put together a computerized system for tracking the health of every worker at DuPont's chemical plants. Davis found that "neither he nor his system any longer work for DuPont." She reports that men and women who produced computer chips for IBM are now dying young from cancers of the breast, bone marrow and kidney.
While China now leads a global economic boom, it's also exploring new opportunities for cancer. Even its secretive, Ottawa-like government now concedes that the country's industries use the nation's rivers as industrial urinals. Not surprisingly, China now lists cancer as its number-one killer.
Many of Davis's findings simply stunned me. Consider the invasion of computerized imaging technology (CT scans) in modern medicine. Since its invention in the 1970s, CT scanning has become a $100-billion industry that creates nifty three-dimensional images, yet exposes patients to radiation. CT scans have become such a favoured technology that one in every three scans recommended for children is probably unnecessary.
In the last 25 years, the amount of radiation zapping North Americans from scanning and the like has increased fivefold. Now ponder this stunner: "Modern America's annual exposure to radiation from diagnostic machines is equal to that released by a nuclear accident that spewed the equivalent of hundreds of Hiroshimas across much of Russia and Eastern Europe." Most physicians don't know that a typical CT scan equals 400 chest X-rays. A group of researchers at Yale now estimate that radiation from CT scans of the head and abdomen will kill 2,500 people a year.
Davis also presents some disturbing data on aspartame, cellphones and Ritalin. Armed with what a prominent toxicologist would later describe as "uninterpretable and worthless" studies on aspartame, Donald Rumsfeld, then CEO of Searle & Co. (since acquired by Monsanto), used his formidable political contacts to gain government approval for the food additive in 1981. Yet the U.S. Air Force still reports that aspartame "can cause serious brain problems in pilots." Despite whatever malarkey you might have read, cellphone users still have double the risk of brain cancer and folks under 18 years of age really shouldn't be using them. Ritalin, the drug to slow kids down, can rearrange an individual's chromosomes, yet in some school districts more than 10 per cent of the students are now on the drug. As Davis notes, "Highly profitable industries have no incentive to ask whether the products on which they depend may have adverse consequences."
Each and every chapter in this book offers a uncomfortable revelation. Pioneering research on the deadly effects of tobacco and environmental hormones by the Nazis secretly found its way to many of U.S. corporations producing the same questionable goods. The American Cancer Society spends less than 10 per cent of its billion-dollar budget on independent studies. The great Wilhelm Hueper, the bold pathologist who wrote the book on "occupational tumours," suffered one indignity after another for simply reporting the dangers of uranium mining. And on it goes.
So, the strange reality of cancer fighting truly reads like one of Kafka's nightmares. Most of the 100,000 chemicals commonly used in commerce have not been tested. Their proliferation in the workplace has created a cancer epidemic and a medical-business industry to treat it. Given the toxic nature of many cancer treatments, including radiation and chemotherapy, Davis claims that cancer researchers and cancer physicians are dying in record numbers.
Davis not only sheds light on this darkness, she also opens many hopeful doors. She celebrates tough, rural, blue-collar mothers who have taken on the companies that have riddled their children with cancer-makers. And she welcomes groups such as Health Care Without Harm, a novel coalition focused on getting toxic products out of hospitals.
But her remarkable and disturbing history ultimately illuminates another hidden hydrocarbon holocaust. Our frightful addiction to fossil fuels has not only fouled the atmosphere but given us a wealth of chemicals, plastics and technologies that increasingly undoes the health of millions with cancers. It, too, has given us rich armies of PR men employing "the same expert public relations strategies that kept us tied in knots on tobacco."
Davis knows that changing medical perspectives and priorities, from treatment to prevention, will be an enormous task. But she does not despair. In fact she ends her book with a simple Talmudic story. Faced with a complicated assignment, a group of workers rhyme off the usual excuses: They haven't got the tools or they haven't got the energy. But a good rabbi (sounding much like Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings) sets them straight: "It is not for you to complete the task," he says. "But you must begin."
Davis's masterful book has shown us why we must begin rethinking cancer research and treatment now for our children's sake.
To listen to an NPR interview with Dr. Devra Davis, click here: Devra Davis: Chemicals, Cancer and You
***
Andrew Nikiforuk has written extensively about the cancerous legacy of uranium and oil sands mining in northern Canada. He is the author of Pandemonium, about how global trade and climate change threaten food security.
* Correction by Andrew Nikiforuk: First the good news: Canadian comic Andrea Martin is alive and well. Now the bad news: I mistakenly buried her in the course of a book review (Malignancies - Books, Nov. 17). What I meant to say was that Andrea Ravinett Martin, the brave founder and former director of the Breast Cancer Fund and a woman with a good sense of humour, too, died of cancer.
Beyoncé's House of Dereon Being Sued via [boombox]
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 7:38PM Beyonce's House of Dereon Sued by Manufacturer
Beyonce and her mother Tina Knowles are facing an international lawsuit for their lucrative clothing line, House of Deréon. Hong Kong based clothing manufacturer, Vier International, is suing the brand for a breach in contract. The company claims that they lost $500, 000 due to the tactics of several companies who "induced the shipment of goods to the United States with the intent to convert them or pay less than agreed upon contract price." The principal culprits named in the suit are Donna Loren LLC and shippers HJM International, who Vier say ran the scheme. But according to WWD.com, Beyonce's House of Deréon is being named as one of the companies who participated in the scheme by making purchase orders and requesting manufacture specifications.
Vier has not taken the attempt to undercut their prices lightly. In addition to the preliminary lawsuit, the manufacturer has also filed a report under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO), a measure usually dedicated to the prosecution of organized crime units. Beyonce's ready-to-wear fashion line, House of Deréon, was launched in partnership with her mother Tina Knowles in 2005.
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I Am...Sasha Fierce by Beyonce Buy new: $8.99 / Used from: $9.00 Usually ships in 24 hours |
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I Am...Yours. An Intimate Performance at Wynn Las Vegas(2CD/1DVD) by Beyonce Buy new: $18.00 / Used from: $11.24 Usually ships in 24 hours |
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I Am...Sasha Fierce (Platinum Edition) (Incl. Bonus Tracks and Music Videos) by Beyonce Buy new: $17.49 / Used from: $13.99 Usually ships in 24 hours |
Frenemies : Drama Queens, Attention Addicts, and Relentless Pessimists
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 7:12PM

The Friendship Detox: How to Say Goodbye and Good Riddance
The drama queen. The attention addict. The relentless pessimist. The exploiter. When poison pals infect your life, sometimes you just need to say goodbye—and good riddance.

My closest friends live all over the place—in North Carolina and New York, in Mississippi and California, in Las Vegas and London and Atlanta, in Oregon and Alabama and Andalucía, Spain. Sometimes we see each other a lot, and sometimes, for stretches, not at all, which is fine. I'd rather see the true friend once a year than suffer a faux friend every day of the week just for the sake of having someone around. The deepest friendships have nothing to do with proximity; they aren't based on how long we've known each other but on how well we love each other.
We never have to wonder where we stand, these friends and I. We never fear for our mutual emotional safety in each other's company. I can tell these friends anything and know they'd never belittle me, or think less of me, or write me off, or gossip, or use my past or current spasms of childishness/pettiness/insecurity/anger/fear against me. I'm talking about genuine affection and goodwill. I'm talking about two-way faith. I'm talking about protecting and sincerely celebrating each other. I'm talking about Do No Harm. I'm talking about intentions. With these people, I've never worried what slights or betrayals await me, and I've never felt used or exploited. At my most vulnerable, I've probably relied on them for clarity and comfort a little too much, but the balance has always been restored.
Other friends, though, just aren't good for us, no matter how hard we try to make things work.
A few years ago, I was bordering on being as broke as I've ever been. I was a full-time graduate student working several jobs while freelancing every minute of the day and trying to start, and finish, a novel, all amid the stress of rapidly compounding debt. A friend invited me out for coffee, during which time she talked at length about her hugely successful business. I was—and I mean this—happy for her, proud of her, until she kept talking about her hugely successful business and ended our coffee date by suggesting we indulge in pricey mani-pedis. (I like a good mani-pedi, but no thanks.) The next time I saw her, she insisted we eat at a restaurant I couldn't afford, then ordered a really nice bottle of wine and asked to split the check. The last time I saw her, she invited me to her apartment to show me her two new pairs of Manolo Blahniks (roughly $350 per shoe). "I treated myself," she said, "for not having any debt."
Small infractions like these add up and wear you down, the way rivers forge canyons. If we're ridding our lives of stuff that threatens our well-being, a bad friend belongs right there on the junk pile along with stress, overspending, American Idol, and trans fats. She takes up far more psychic space than she deserves or we can handle, and yet we keep her around for the same reasons we hang on to those size 6 jeans: We think things will turn around and/or we can't confront reality. Maybe this friend will change, we tell ourselves yet again. Yeah, and maybe we'll magically shrink five jeans sizes overnight.
I'm starting to think a frenemy can be exposed with a few easy questions: Do you look forward to seeing this person, or do you consider it a chore? Is she truly happy to see you, or do you suspect she wants something from you or needs to lord something over you? Will you walk away from this meeting feeling good—or feeling manipulated, demeaned, poisoned, or played?
The damage can play out in a million different ways. A friendship terrorist knows you're trying to eat more nutritiously yet says, "You won't be able to handle it; you're hungry too much." You tell her about a project that excites you and can actually see her mind scrambling for a negative response, the way game-show contestants dive for dollar bills in a wind machine. You get an editing job after being unemployed for months and she says, "Sheesh, I'd rather drink acid than work in publishing right now." You say this job takes you to Boston, a city you love, and she shrieks, "Boston? I hate Boston! How can you stand the cold?"
You need that kind of friend like you need a Members Only jacket. While you're at it, reconsider the drama addict who can't let a day go by without drawing you into her pseudo life-or-death dilemma and the high-maintenance friend who ratchets up everybody's stress level by overcomplicating everything.
I've had a few such friendship terrorists in my life, and I'm absolutely certain I've been one at times, too, but part of growing up means knowing when to stop playing pretend. Remaining attached to some people is like slaving over a withered garden without realizing all the plants are dead. And letting the negative relationships suck up time and energy only deprives us of the opportunity to nurture and appreciate those friendships that actually do work.
"The interchange between us captured my mind: conversations and joking, doing favors for each other, reading together good books, being foolish and being serious together, disagreeing without hatred almost as though I was debating with myself," wrote St. Augustine of Hippo, that ancient arbiter of relationships, in Confessions, 1,600 years ago. "These and so many other like signs coming from the hearts of friends are shown through their eyes and mouths and speech and a thousand little gestures. All of these expressions of friendship brought our hearts together like bundled kindling, making one out of many."
The truth never fails to show itself in those "thousand little gestures." True friends bear each other's burdens and accept each other's weaknesses, because without reciprocity, there's nothing. Friendship is about collaboration, not domination. Because we should be stewards of each other's rooms, I am happy to help you keep yours clean, but life is too fleeting to let you continue trashing mine.
The drama queen. The attention addict. The relentless pessimist. The exploiter. When poison pals infect your life, sometimes you just need to say goodbye--and good riddance.
The Friendship Quiz: Good Friend, Bad Friend?
There's an unspoken contract in friendship: You be there for me, I'll be there for you. But what if one of you isn't living up to her end of the deal? (What if it's you ?) Sometimes it's okay to keep score, says Martha Beck . Just go through this who-does-what-for-whom list, and find out how you score.
1. Initiate contact between the two of you (by calling, e-mailing, dropping by for a visit, sending an invitation to an event, etc.).
I do this for my friend:
Don't Let Go by Yo Majesty
Sunday, February 21, 2010 at 1:46AM
Futuristically Speaking: Never Be Afraid by Yo Majesty
Buy new: $24.49 / Used from: $7.92
via [YouTube]
Feburary's Style Diva is... The Adam Lambert of the ice, Johnny Weir! via [Crunkand Disorderly]
Sunday, February 21, 2010 at 1:02AM Style File: Johnny Weir

Try not to act so surprised if you see American figure skater Johnny Weir’s unique designs ripped off in campaign ads for the Spring / Summer 2010 House of Dereon Collection. The Adam Lambert of the ice will perform tonight during the Men’s free skating gold medal event at 8PM EST so be sure to tune in. Until that time arrives get you a big ass piece slathered with extra icing, whore!
Thaks Creolelatina!


And My Pussy Sits Up Real Nice In My Shorts, Behold A Lady, Made From The Best Stuff On Earth | Comments (28)
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